My beloved husband, Kent, died in January 2012, 3 years after diagnosis of a brain tumour. Our son was 2 1/2 and our daughter 3 months old. He and I were far too young. I am now hurtling through the black space of life without him.

Thursday 14 February 2013

From Here to Here

The storm is here love
The waters are rising
And I never could swim
My arms can't hold you
And my voice can't tell you
But you know, you know
I love you from here to here

The storm is here love
It's taking me away
And I can't take you with me
My arms can't hold you
And my voice can't tell you
But you know, you know
I love you from here to here

The storm is here love
I've seen the lights ahead
And I'll see you again
My arms can't hold you
And my voice can't tell you
But you know, you know
I love you from here to here

The storm is here love
Put your anchor down
And don't lose yourself
My arms can't hold you
And my voice can't tell you
But you know, you know
I love you from here to here

Sunday 3 February 2013

"Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines in Pieces on the Ground"*

Watching people living out their ordinary lives. The bits you most dreamed of, most wanted. It's like watching a movie. Life is being acted out in front of you just as you had imagined, but you're not a participant. You're the lone member of the audience, sitting in an uncomfortable seat, soon to return home to where you now belong. It's like watching your own life playing out before you on the other side of a 3 inch glass wall. You can see it all, but you'll never, ever get it.

Envy is not the word that comes to mind for now. Just deep, rock hard pain.

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We used to go to outdoor/adventure shops occasionally for whatever reason. I always liked checking out the tents - the cool big dome tents with different rooms. I would dream of a day when we had children and could take them camping. They'd share their own little room and we'd share another. It would be SO much fun. I could hardly wait.

*From Fire and Rain by James Taylor