My beloved husband, Kent, died in January 2012, 3 years after diagnosis of a brain tumour. Our son was 2 1/2 and our daughter 3 months old. He and I were far too young. I am now hurtling through the black space of life without him.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

In Public

Thank you, so many of you, for reading and getting in touch. In my first post I talked about why I find writing helpful, but I have been wondering why it is that I am doing it in a public space. I'm not entirely sure. I think it makes my writing better. I think that each time your hearts break a little it helps to give mine a little boost. You're sharing the load. I think it is easier to have people know how it is for me.

I'm curious about the tradition of widows wearing black. It seems right to do something dramatically different as life is so dramatically different (I read on someone else's blog about widows in another culture shaving their hair off for that very reason). Also it tells people what you are living with. Or without, I should say. It could save many an awkward moment. And it might mean people playing music in public spaces will think twice about what music they play when they see you coming. I don't know what Pak n Save are thinking, playing "Memory" followed by " I Will Always Love You" when I'm just trying to get my groceries done. The tears in my eyes nearly squeezed out when I whacked my foot on a sticking-out-bread-rack. But Reuben saved the day by saying "can I kiss it better?" I declined, as he was sitting in the trolley, but he stroked my hand as we moved to the next aisle, and we got out of there unscathed. Well, no more scathed...

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